I did not want to had to write this blog, but God sometimes changes the direction we are going. September 19, 2011 3:06 PM He changes the course of my life. Leighton went home to be with the Lord and now he is well again probably running a new race everyday. Oh how I loved that man and oh how I miss him, but I know I will see him again someday. Each of you that have followed his ramblings know that he was a fighter and loved life. Because he was a kind person he left his mark on hundreds of lives. Our chapel was filled to standing room only on the morning of his memorial service. What a tribute to a life well lived.

I want to thank each of you for all your prayers and words of encouragement over these past months. You kept him believing that he would beat this terrible "C".

We went to New Mexico for the month of August. What a wonderful time we had. We saw old friends - held our wine glasses to the sunset - even saw a few (every few) sunrises - celebrated birthdays - played with our grandchildren - had the usual Labor Day party and it did not rain. On September 10 we danced the night away at a Chamber Gala. He kept saying just one more dance. What a gift of love he gave me that six weeks. I look at it as my birthday gift of a life time. So many people never have the joy that God gave us in that six weeks.

In trying to sum up Leighton's life, I would have to use one of his mothers favorite expressions: "You done good"!

I love you honey, Lynda

Well, will wonders never cease? Here I am on my way to the hospital to get my feeding tube back. Why? Because I'm getting ready to get some more chemo. Why? Because I've got some "hot spots" the doc wants to eliminate and he knows that, in the past, chemo has "striped" a little weight off me.
Back to the "wonders never cease." Seems that I saw the doc back in July and I was down to 120 --- and that's skinny on me --- and he told me then about gaining weight and why. So, off we (Lynda and I) set to try to do that very thing. Try as I might it wouldn't happen. When I would eat "too much" my gut would crap and I would down for 3 or 4 hours, but we kept trying. Eating peanut butter at 10 and 2. Eating as often as possible. Nothing worked. 120 every day and sometimes a pound below. Baw Humbug! Today, I took my shower, with anteseptic soap as prescribed, and I weighed. 122! Hey, can we put this off for a week or so? Guess not but it sure crossed my mind.
Earlier today I was a bit nervous about this procedure but a visit with the Lord assured me, again, that He was in control and I didn't have a thing to worry about.
Keep me and all my cancer pals in your prayers. Will let you know how this day turns out.

Well, since I'm dropped about 5 pounds looks like I'll be getting my tube back next month! About 3 weeks ago I went to 120 and have not varied from that. Am still eating "better" but obviously not enough to gain any weight. Now I'm (kinda) looking forward to the tube. Tire of feeling tired. My voice is doing well but it's more husky sometimes but I'm just glad I can talk where someone can understand me. It's hard for me to believe how wonderful it is that the Lord gives the stamina to encounter these challenges. When I think I can't go I just do, and live to tell about it. Keep all my cancer buddies in your prayers --- and especially Lynda. She just keeps on keeping my spirits up when I even think about "getting down."

Are things happening to me only once a month? In my dreams that might be happening but in reality it's a daily occurrence and I haven't been reporting in a "timely fashion." Will I do better in the future? Only the Lord can answer that question.
In the last 30 days I've had a PET scan. Results: "Somewhat increased activity in a few lymph nodes." That wasn't what I wanted to hear but the facts are the facts and the sooner you find out the sooner you can address them! Next phase: Chemo starts mid September. Why wait so long? Doc is giving me the chance to gain some weight (I'm cruising along at 125) or I've got to get the tube back in my gut, in order to get nourishment.
I am eating more this week than I did last week but I had about three weeks where I was "weak and heavy laden." The best way I could describe how I felt was this way. If you have a Kindle or Laptop and you don't keep them connected to electricity they come back and tell you, "Your battery has only 20% remaining and I'm shutting down now." So, I sit or lay down, no choice!
I guess really I do have a choice but if I do when I get down to 10% it really takes a lot to "recharge" me.
But, today, that ain't happening and I'm rejoicing. Lynda and I are in the mountains of New Mexico, and it's cool. The Lord be willing, I will gain another 10 pounds before we go home the 7th of September, but if I don't I'll welcome that feeding tube back. Still have three granddaughters to see get married (and one grandson) and that's quite a few days off! Or, if they chose not, see what kind of life they choose and/what the Lord has in store for them! Besides that, Lynda would kill me if I died.
Cancer buddies of mine for you to pray for: Gary C, Jimmy D, Eric A, Jim W, Dan S (a new entry as of last week) and Bob M (another new guy to the club). That's all for today.

So, is there a valid reason for my not updating my Blog in almost a month? No! It just seems that I've reached a "plateau" in my healing process. About a month ago my gut, (not my stomach, which is behind my breast bone now), starting cramping ever time I ate. And the only way I could get "away" from the feeling was to sit down and go to sleep for an hour. Obviously I didn't look forward to eating so consequently I didn't eat right and lost some weight. Not good for someone has to struggle to gain a pound. Went to the doc that does scopes from the top down and he didn't find any problems that jumped out at him, but he gave me a pill that helps my gut (colon, stomach) move the food on down thru it's channel. However, it seems that sometimes after I eat a "sense of tiredness" seems to sweep over me and again I have to take a nap. I've kept thinking I would work thru this phase but it hasn't happened, yet, but it will. Along with this one of my vocal cords decided to stop working and I now talk in three seconds bursts. Still about to communicate but it's a "drag" for me and those who try to understand me. But, help is in sight. Tomorrow, one my brother's colleagues, Doctor Peter J, will inject some collegian into it and I should be able to talk somewhat better. Would, of course, appreciate your prayers.
This AM I had another scan to see exactly how the cancer is doing since the last one I had three months ago. Should know something about that in a coupla days and I promise I will let you know. Did take a few days off last week and visited Arlington, VA, to see my #1 granddaughter's "new" (1930's bungalow) home that she and her husband had spent the last three of four months renovating it. They had a great open house and just less than 100 people showed up. Was great getting out of town.
Oh yeah, keep my caregiver in your prayers also, she goes for a "collonostomey" (not spelled right and SPELLCHECK wont help). Latest prayer list includes, Jimmy D, Jim W, Pam P, (and a new "cancer pal") Dan S, Eric A and another new guy Bob M. That's all folks, for today!

April, May, now June. Have been quite too long.
First, I'm doing well and holding my own. Which means the cancer and I are head to head. It's not getting the next foothold and neither am I. To recap, I had that good scan in December, "significantly reduced" and another in March, "holding my own", which are both great. In January, with that good news, I decided to eat on my own for about 3 weeks and it worked well enough for me to remove the feeding tube. Then for the next 4 weeks I maintained my (skinny) weight, about 140 and then I started dropping something, it seems like, an ounce a day, and could not get it back. Finally down around 134 and it seems like I'm eating all the time, but I can only eat so much before my gut starts cramping. So then I try to eat that much but more often. Never finish a "meal" that I'm not thinking about the next. Not because I'm hungry but because I need to sustain my energy level. But, hey, at least I'm here to do it. I get another scan on July 19 and, who knows, maybe they will find what is causing it. I did have an upper scope, about 3 weeks ago, and the doc didn't find any more cancerous growths, so that's a wonderful thing. I'm hoping and praying that I'm just going thru a "phase" and I'll come out the other side being able to eat (and enjoy it) and start gaining just a little weight. Just some would help my feeling.
Oh yeah, for some reason one of my vocal cords quit working. You should (not) hear me try to talk! Speak in 3 second bursts. Not good at all on the phone. My brother, Charles, the ENT Doc, my be going to inject something in the cord that's not working that should give me a better voice. Kinda tough on a guy who makes his living talking, but as always, I have Lynda here to cheer (and admonish --- when I don't do my voice exercises) me on! What would I do without her? Don't even ask!
Thanks for all your prayers and I promise I will be more forthcoming in the future and not let my spirits get down. One has to hold one's faith because it doesn't hang around on it's own. Each day I remind myself that the Lord has kept me around for a reason and each day I look to see what it is for that day.

I received an email from a long time friend who said, "You, obviously, must be doing better because you haven't updated your blog lately."
I am proud to report that she was right, and I apoligize for not, at least, let you share in this last three weeks journey as I fought thru my worst fears as I had lost about five pounds. It, now, seems that I "worryed" myself into that little problem, but now I plan on solving it.
Last Monday I went for a CAT Scan. First one I've had since December 21. The results came back today. "No new involvement. Situation in my body is stable". Second best result I could expect, with number 1 being, "Cancer Free" but the Lord is saving that for sometime down the road. Now, don't think I'm "foreshadowing" what I would like for Him to do, it's just fact. I will be cancer free someday, either way!
Plan on running a 5 K on Saturday. Also will have my two youngest grandchildren with me to run a 1 K. Claire, 9, and Clay, 6, are involved in Track so I'm sure they will outrun their Granddad, and that's OK.
Please add another name to your prayer list. A buddy of mine, Eric, just found out he's has cancer and it's "off to the races" with him to fight this junk!
Lynda, after she quit jumping up and down, is doing well. I swear all this stuff is harder on her than it is on me, but the plus side on that is that she is more joyous with the good news. Makes my heart proud.
As I've said many times, without all your prayers and the help of a good woman, (Lynda), I'd been dead a long time ago.
Love you all.

Can't believe that I've not "posted" in the last thirty days!
Life is good. Am still holding my weight at 140 and am learning that even tho you my "kick cancer" you still have to live the rest of your life with "rearranged plumbing". Once the docs take part of you stomach life changes forever. I eat, seems like, all the time --- and that's a good thing, especially since everything tastes good now.
Need to report on two of the ones that you all are praying for. Marilyn is doing great. Got a good report. And, Jimmy D made it to a milestone, his daughter got married. I know, somewhat, how he feels. I made it to my granddaughter's wedding last August. There was some serious thought (and not by me) that I might not make it, but I did! The Lord is good --- and so is Lynda!
For me, all is well. It's easy to describe how bad you feel and why but it's a little difficult to explain it all when life is going "normal."
Still have to teach myself how to run. For the first time. I guess I came out of the womb running but the last two years took me down and now I having to listen, (to my self), what I told a thousand people over the years. "Run so that whoever sees you thinks you are running. Then, when you can't do that any more, start walking until you feel like you can run again. What will happen, in time, you will walk less and run more." Hard to be attentive to your own words but I'm learning.

Lost one of our pals we have been praying for, Ben. He was big strong gentle giant of a man. Only 35 and had been more a man for the Lord than many twice his age. Found out he had cancer in December of 2010 and died last week. Hard to understand, actually, impossible to understand. His life will be reflected in the witness he was to the football team he coached and the ones he taught. Thanks to all of you who prayed for a miricale, it's just that The Lord had another plan and someday we will know what it was.
I saw the doc last week and he agreed it was time to "pull the tube." Today it happened. Now, I don't have a "fall back plan", if I lose weight, but I sure don't plan on it. "Ran" a 5K this weekend to celebrate. (The word "run" is loosely applied to what I did. Slow but sure would be more appropriate.
Am still maintaining my weight at 140, which has not been a problem. Lynda is there with me thru all the challenges and the goodtimes.
Marilyn, which we have been praying for is holding her own, but keep her in your prayer. Gary has had some setbacks but is still trucking on. Jimmy D is getting good reports and living life, well. Jim W is starting his treatments and they are going well. He's learning about "Life in the Cancer lane." We've all learned that's there is life doesn't end when the doc tells that you have it but it does change you life as you live life with it.
Thanks again for all your prayers. And, add Amy, Ben's wife, to your list, please.

Did not spend time in Nashville, this last weekend, as planned. Was going to be there with two of my granddaughters and with one for Dad's Day at Vanderbilt. Ended up seeing them in Hot Springs, AR, for the funeral of their other grandfather, John Wilcox. He was great guy and I will miss him. Lynda and I spent time with his wife, Audrey, and all their children, 4, grandchildren, 11, and great grandchildren, 8. Was a great celebration of a life well lived. Left an amazing legacy.
My life has been fantastic since Jan. 1. Eating well and maintaining weight. Am in the process of weaning myself off my feeding tube, even as we speak. As long as I weight over 140, both in the AM and the PM, I "abstain" from the feeding formula. Makes me think about eating the right amount at the right time. Next time I see the doc, Feb. 22, the question will be: "Anymore chemo in the foreseeable future for me?" If the answer is no, then out comes the tube, I get a stitch and the world opens up for me.
Rest assured that I would not be where I am without all the prayer and support from all my loved ones, friends I know and ones I've never met. And, of course, caregiver Lynda. Each day I get instructions on how to get to tomorrow and they have all worked so far. Near as I can count, that's approximately 500 plus days so I'm not stopping listening now!
Love you all.

January went great. Am now able to eat three meals a day. (Sometimes four). Food is tasting like it used to, in most cases. Taste buds decide what they are going to accept and they are the final decision maker. Have found that once they "reaccept" a food they don't "take it back." But, it still does not keep me from being a little spooked when I put something in my mouth that hasn't been there in a long time. Vegetables are now my pride and joy. Now I have to watch and not eat too much. My FPU (food processing unit) will "speak to me" if I do. Three quarters of a full meal is great for me. Oh yeah, if I eat too much my FPU processes it very quickly and lets me know. Went to two docs last week and they both liked my progress and are suggesting that I cut back on my feeding tube "meals" and see if my weight remains constant. I'm now at about 140 and that's a good weight for me so I weight morning and night and make sure that I'm at least 140. Took a coupla days off and I ate a little more and I did good. That was practice for when I go to Nashville on the 11th to spend two days with my granddaughter. It's Dad's day at Vanderbilt and her Dad will be in Europe and I get to be the stand in. What a blessing. After I get back I'm going to try four days and see if I can eat enough to hold my weight.
Need to add a name to our pray list. Ben. 35 years old and has just discovered he has multiple cancers. Married with children. He will take a miracle and I ask that you pray for it. Oh yeah, Lynda could not be happier with my progress and guess what? If Mama's happy then everybody is happy. Please pray for Ben.

2011 has worked out to be a good year! No more chemo for now. I am just on Herseption (not spelled correctly) which is a drug mostly used to treat breast cancer. My cancer showed the same "markers" so we will see, in about 3 months, how it's doing. I get the drug every 3 weeks and I will probably be scanned after about 6 treatments. Good thing there are no side effects! All is well with my care giver, Lynda, and she continues to keep me on the "straight and narrow." And God keeps giving me the strength to weather all these storms so what more could I ask for except, prayers? You Prayer Warriors that have held me up all these months I ask that you don't quit now. You know that me and my cancer pals rely on your communications with the Lord! Love you all.

What a glorious New Year! Woke up 1/1/11 ready to eat, and I did. Breakfast was an egg, but lunch was pork chop (1/2) squash, black eyed peas, corn bread, wilted spinach salad and candied jalapenos. Could not have tasted better! Almost ate like a regular person and it did feel good. 1/2/11 was the same! Boy did that feel good. Go the chemo doc tomorrow and we plan what to do about the rest of the cancer that's lurking around in my gut. If it were not for that I might just pull that feeding tube today. I do get it stitched back in tomorrow AM, just in case!
God in Good and His mercy defies understanding. My Bible tells me that He doesn't cure all illness but He give's you the strength to handle whatever life throws in your face. Back to working out this AM. Got that race to run in April! Please keep up the prayers for my pals. What would I do without Lynda? Always there with the right suggestion. Life is Good! Love you all.

Well, here we are on the last day of the year. Time to reflect. Even with it's challenges 2010 has been a good one. (Actually, any year you are alive at it's very end is GOOD.) This last week (actually 9 days) Lynda and I spent with all our family in New Mexico. What a wonderful time. Next year I will ski.
Had some sombering news today. My friend, Jim W has been diagnosed with esophageal cancer, also. I would ask you all to add him to your prayer list.
The last few weeks have brought good news. As you all know I've finished my second series of chemo and had a Cat Scan on Dec. 20. Results are in. "Significantly Reduced." Great words to hear now I've got to get to eating and get this feeding tube out! Have not talked with my chemo Doc yet to know what his plan is in "getting after" the rest.
Was a bit aprohensive in being in NM for 10 days and being away from all my support base, but all went extremly well. Again, I just don't have enough faith sometimes.
Had a "funny" thing happen today. (Background: One flushes his feeding tube both before and after! Timely.) I woke up this AM when my pump finished it's work getting the "feeding tube food" into my body. (Let me correct that last statement. I can't hear the "warning buzzer. Too high a frequency for me, but Lynda hears it and lets me know.) Well, when the buzzer went off and Lynda woke me I turned off the pump and went back to sleep. What one should do in that case is to get up, flush out the pump and then go back to sleep. Guess what, my tube clogged up. Bummer! Try as I might I could not get it "open." Usually that means a trip to the doctor, if he's in, or a trip to the emergency room. And, as luck would have it, the stitch that holds the tubing into my stomach also broke. What a mess! And, then I sneezed. Boom, the tube shot out of it's little hole in my gut!" Hmmm", I said. "Do you think I can clean this tube out now?" "Especially since it New Year's Eve weekend? Well, to make a long story longer, I did clean out my tube, inserted it back in my stomach and tapped it in very securely and now I'm good until the Doc's back in the office Monday. Would I recommend this? Nope, but a man's got to do what a man's got to do!
Please, keep up the prayers and I love you all!

What cancer and sickness cannot do......

It cannot cripple LOVE,

It cannot shatter HOPE,

It cannot corrode FAITH

It cannot destroy PEACE

It cannot kill FRIENDSHIP

It cannot suppress MEMORIES

It cannot silence COURAGE

It cannot invade THE SOUL

It cannot conquer THE SPIRIT

It cannot steal ETERNAL LIFE

from the Senior Times, Montreal

I was swinging very low until I read this in my doctor's office. I needed it!
All has been going well it's just that I had not looking at the glass being 3/4 full. I was bound up in the 1/4 empty (so I was thinking) but after reading the above 10 times, life is good!

Today I start my last round of chemo, that is scheduled. I will then get a scan sometime early 2011 to asses the success of the treatment. We do know there has been progress because my "twist" disappeared and I'm now able to eat. It's been wonderful to get to the point that I can begin to taste foods again. I know that the chemo will modify that again but just knowing it will come back, again, in about a month is encouraging. I was feeling so good that I began to say, "Come the first of the year I'm going to begin my new life!", which would assume that I would be cancer free and I would have all this behind me. But, I realized that I was predetermining what the Lord had in store for me and I realized that my job was to just wait for the scan and see what He had in store for me.
I have gained a little weight and am up to 140. Of course, I had all my pants taken up, so they wouldn't fall off, and now they are a bit tight. I do know that Jan. 1, feeling as good as I do now, I'll start back working out. Another thing that's going to be fun is to begin cutting back on the cans of food that go thru my feeding tube and maintain my weight and strength. I realize it's all in my hands (and God's) as to how that goes. Right now I'm looking forward to Christmas. Will be in New Mexico with all my family. What a blessing. I'm still amazed at people who say they are amazed with me, in how I've fought this disease and I think to myself, "How can you not fight?" but then I know that sometimes you can give up, and I want to cry for those who do. Life is wonderful. Lynda is wonderful. My family is wonderful. My caring friends are wonderful. And God is wonderful. And I've said many times, without the prayers that have held me up and Lynda, I would not be here, but here I am. Love you all.

Eleven days out of chemo and I'm feeling great. My doc was kind enough to grant me an extra week before I start the last round. That week will take me thru Thanksgiving. I will eat some of everything. And, about eating. Going well. Oh yeah, this AM I weighed in at 139! Most in over a year. I am blessed that I get my taste back each time. And my mouth and throat quit being sore. Feel like a regular person, if it was not for this tube in my gut. Again, I'm not complaining just stating the facts.
Here's my plan. 10 days out of the chemo hole, next time, I'm going to be able to eat more and it will taste better and I will start cutting back on what I send thru the tube until, ta de da, I don't need it anymore and I'm planning on making that happen timely. Also, about that same time, I will be getting a scan (pet or cat) that will show the docs what all good they have been doing. And then they are going to pat me on my head and say, "Come on back and see us in six months." At that point I run yelling out of the office.
Hey, that's what all you are praying for and my responsibility to make it happen. Keep all my cancer pals and Lynda in your prayers. Judy W, Gary C, Melissa C and Jimmy D. Until next time --- I love you all.

Some monumental days have passed. First, 11-4-10. One year aniversery of having my surgery! What a journey. Second, last night I went without activating my feeding tube. Which means I've been eating more! Great milestones for me.
Don't ask me how the tube in my gut got "untwisted." Even the doctors are unsure, (Lord's work, don't you know.), but I've been able to eat and keep stuff down.
OK, let's take if from about three weeks ago. I had been feeling pretty good and able to eat a little bit. Went to the doc to set up my next chemo and it turned out that my white blood cells were down so I got a week reprieve. That week turned out great. Got more energy and was able to eat "almost" meals that tasted great.
An aside here. I'm not hungery so I eat because it's "time to eat" and thank God I've got my tastes back so food tastes good, again.
With the strength that I gained I handled my fifth chemo fine. Unhooked yesterday from the 5FU and really had no major problems last week. Today, I'm getting a bit of sore throat but that's to be expected. The fantastic news is that I only have one more round of it and then they do a scan to see the results. With the way I'm feeling I believe it's going to be great.
Please continue to hold up my cancer journey warriors, Jimmy D, Judy W, Gary C and Melissa C. Cancer ain't for sissies!
Caregiver Lynda is my rock. God is Good.

Dang! I've been remiss in keeping up my end of the bargain! Letting you know how I'm doing. Well --- well, is how it's going right now. Last round of chemo didn't take me into the chemo hole as far as usual but it took longer to come out! Last Monday, went to my (round four of six) chemo doc and he told me my white blood count was not high enough for me have it. Mixed emotions. Sooner I get all this chemo over the sooner I find out "where I am" in the grand scheme of things, but I was tired on Monday and we have a full week of work (Thank You Lord) so it really worked out well. Am eating three times a day, not much, but some. Lynda could not be better! Need to add another cancer pal, for prayer. Melissa C, along with Jimmy D and Gary C. Love you all! God is Good!

Coming off 5FU chemo is always a challenge but I'm here to report that for me it seems to get a little easier after every one. I've done 4 and still have 2 to go. However I will tell you that every inch of your skin, from the neck up, is either "sore" or sensitive. That includes my tounge, my lips and my throat. So, you just don't say much, eat much, cough or spit. But, hey, I walked a half mile the last two days so that tells me my engery level is up and I'll take all the good signs.
Pray for care givers. I swear that's tougher than any thing I've gone or going thru. God is Good